NEW MALE SECRETARY

Since things have been a little on the boring side lately I thought I might get some help in the office to liven things up a bit. So this handsome young man decided to come to work for me.

He had no problems at all handling the fax machine.

He even flirted with me while making a call.

He laughed at my corny jokes.

Since we were working late he decided to take a shower.

The next morning he didn't feel so good because of a nasty cold but was still dedicated enough to show up for work even if he was still in his pajamas.

I will let him slide this one time....cause he has really good sugar.

Quote of the Day "The great man is he who does not lose his childlike heart." – Mencius

About Mencius
The ancient Chinese sage Mencius is seen as a philosophical heir to Confucius. He lived in China during 4 B.C. He believed that people are born good but are influenced by society to be otherwise and that our goal in life should be to return to that innate moral sense. The Book of Mencius, his account of conversations with Chinese rulers, has become one of the central works of Confucian thought.

BEING COOL

Kids are so funny. This morning when the older two were getting ready for school I noticed they were both in the bathroom and were in there for a long time. Last time this happened she had half a bottle of detangler in her hair and was very greasy.

As I neared the door I could smell hubby's cologne. Uh oh. What are you two doing? Suddenly toothbrushes and hair brushes were being utilized. I told them to hurry up because they were going to be late for school.

I mentioned this to Big Girl and she said "I know what that is about". Apparently my grandson wants a girl to like him. So granddaughter has been giving him advise and helping him at school with her. Big Girl overheard her telling him that he needed to wear deodorant and cologne so he would smell nice and the girl would like him. She told him he had to learn to be cool. She said look at Aunt Kiki (Big Girl). See her jeans with the holes in them? She is cool.

Good grief. Kids trip me out sometimes. Grandson has been a flirt since he was able to walk. I have taken him to restaurants and he would flirt with the women. When he was 18 months old he told me that he had a girlfriend. I said you do, what is her name? He said her name is MeMe. This is what my grand kids call me. I said "You are such a schmoozer".

Later that day when his mother came to pick him up I told her to listen to this. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and what is her name? He said her name is Mama.....Meme.....Mama and MeMe. Wasn't even two years old and already he was very diplomatic. See. Told you he was a schmoozer.

He thinks his MeMe is cool. I can play computer games with him and get him through the rough spots. However, he probably out plays me now. He has been playing around on computers since he was very tiny. Once I went into my office and kept hearing music play. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I finally discovered it was from Yahoo IM. I turned it off. He came in about that time and said "MeMe, I was listening to some songs".

Every time he sees a website on a billboard, TV ad or on the back of a kids food product he goes to that site. He has been surfing the web for years. His favorites are the Cartoon Network and Nick. He is very smart.

Anyway.... here is to being a cool kid.

THURSDAY YUKS

Today didn't start out too bad. I actually slept a normal nights sleep. That was awesome. I rarely get enough sleep.

The kids were getting ready for school while I was sitting at my computer. I kept hearing spzzt, spzzt, spzzt. It took a little while before that sunk into my consciousness. Someone was spraying something. I went into the bathroom and granddaughter was spraying detangler in her hair. I told her to stop. She proceeded to tell me that it gets out the tangles. I told her that is what brushes are for. Needless to say she went to school with very greasy looking hair. You just hope that the teachers have kids too and know that the crazy things kids do are no way a reflection on the parents. I hope so anyway.

I went outside this morning and there were these structures they had built yesterday. Sticks and rakes and brooms all stacked and standing somehow. Also, the sand in a box around a tree was now all over the concrete slab where the basketball goal is. Quite a bit of it. They did this despite the fact that just days earlier I told them to quit digging holes in the yard. They said they were building a worm farm.

The big kids are just as bad. In my office there was a can of deodorant that someone (baby girl) left on my desk. The half empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the floor near my other desk (baby girl again). A hair brush in my floor. I don't know who that belongs to but I suspect baby girl again. I can walk behind her and collect 7 or 8 glasses and/or soda cans. She is the worlds worst. She is the person that goes into a room and turns on the lights, looks around and walks out leaving the lights on. She will open a drawer and it will stay open. The same with cabinet doors. She is my piglet.

Big girl isn't much better. Recently all her clean laundry was piled in a six by six foot area in her bedroom floor. And she is complaining that she can't find her clothes. Go figure. Her solution....go buy more. I keep telling her to purge. Get rid of the things she no longer wears so she will have room for what she does. One time I picked up all her clothes and hung them up by color and put them in drawers. She didn't like that because she couldn't find anything. I hyperventilate every time I see that pile. She did get it up recently but I noticed the piles are starting to overtake other areas of her room.

I love them all. I just wonder when they will grow up........

Quote of the Day "Striving for perfection is the greatest stopper there is.… It's your excuse to yourself for not doing anything. Instead, strive for excellence, doing your best."– Sir Laurence Olivier

WHAT DAY IS IT?

Oh right. Monday. Blah... I did not want to work today. Right before going to bed last night I decided to check my computer to see if I had any awesome emails other than the normal "extend your penis" "become rock hard" or "someone has sent you a $1000 gift card". As if.

I heard chewy, grandson #2's current nickname. I listened to him for quite a while until #1 got woke up and went to the bathroom. So I went and got the little chunky butt out of bed. I took him into the kitchen and gave him goldfish and milk. He had a second round of goldfish. You see where I am going here right? Feed him and get him sleepy. Didn't work.

So I let him play in the den for a short period. #1 had glow sticks that were given to him at his party yesterday. And of course they were in the floor, where else would he put them. Next thing I know chunky chewy's shirt was glowing and I was freaking out. I was chasing him all over the den try to get into his mouth to see if he glowed. He didn't. The floor and his shirt did. I found all of them that I could and tossed them in the garbage. That was around midnight.

I finally got him in the bed again. He kept calling for his brother and acting like he was going to start howling. I turned on the light, showed him his brother asleep and under the blankets and tossed him in the bed. He wanted to get up but I kept telling him to lay down and go to sleep like brother. He did... I died.

I get up this morning and low and behold.... I started. I know you don't want all the gory details but it had been two months since my last one and I was so hoping this was it the big Men O Pause..... but it wasn't. I knew that I hadn't been having any hot flashes that I have heard others talk about. Everyone is different though. Damn it.

So one of my account managers called in sick today. That just pissed me off even more. If you can't handle your damn booze well enough to not miss work then don't drink. Then everyone decided they needed to tromp through my office area talking and arguing and crunching potato chips. That was it. The head started spinning, the mouth opened and out came loud..very loud...vulgarities, and threats and more of the same.

I am better now. I will probably have to go to the hospital soon. I think I am about to overdose on sugar. I was so good today..again... and then stress, and period and work got to me. I ...ate...cupcakes. Now I think I am sick. blah........ Oh what the hell. I gotta get them out of the house and right now I tell you. I may crawl into the kitchen and get more. I don't got no chocolate. What do you expect. I am on my period and no chocolate in the house....that is a sin.

Look below....this is how I started this blog this morning telling you how to eat a delicious low carb, low fat breakfast.... I had good intentions....but then isn't that what the road to hell is paved with?

This morning I had a delicious omelet. However, when calculating the numbers the sodium content blew my mind. The culprit is canned asparagus and those tiny three olives... the bastards. I love them. Why can't they be low sodium?

The Ingredients:

1/4 C Egg Beaters

1/4 C Asparagus tips/pieces - You can certainly use fresh but I didn't have any

1/3 C Italian Blend Cheeses

3 Olives of choice - I used Kalamata which are my favorite

Nutritional Value:

Calories 145

Fat 8.5 g

Sat Fat 3.5 g

Sodium 760 mg

Carbs 4.5 g

Protein 14 g

Sugar 1 g

Potassium 90 g

And you can cut this in half and share and serve with a whole grain toast for added fiber.

Quote of the Day "You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result."– Mahatma Gandhi

SUNDAY FUNDAY

It is the one day when they come here... isn't that from a song? I can tell you that I was so tired yesterday that when I slept last night I flipped over on my back, not a good thing for someone with sleep apnea, and that I didn't move at all. None. So when I woke up I was stoved up. My back was screaming and my neck had pain shooting up through it. Oh for a pain pill to get you through that first hour when you can barely move. Didn't have any. Must find a drug dealer in the near future.

So I sat in pain for a long time. Drinking coffee with my fav hazelnut creamer. Watching a movie. Enjoying the silence before the herd wakes up. Grandson #1 and granddaughter both try to out do each other, tattle on each other, boss each other, did I say out do each other? They are driving me nuts. Grandson #2 may be cutting more teeth or perhaps it is just a cold. He has taken to whining, something he has never done, and he sounds very similar to Chewbaca from Star Wars. It makes me want to poke crochet needles into my eardrums to silence my world. Knitting needles sound more appropriate but I don't knit.

Now we are all doing the shuffle to successfully get everyone showered and at the pizza parlor by two. Grandson #1 turned 8 a week ago but his party is today. Being born a few days after Christmas has always left him shafted on the party side of things. People are always out of town for the holidays. This time we are doing it differently. Hopefully he will have a wonderful time and hopefully I will survive it.

It is a shame this pizza joint doesn't serve beer. Not that I am a beer drinker but you take what you can get. Someone scarfed all my champagne recently so I can't make myself a mimosa before I go. The only thing available is Canadian Whiskey, my drink of choice, but I can't do that this time of the day. I would probably not be able to control myself and then I would be snockered by 6 pm and feel like ass all day tomorrow. Mimosas are perfect. Not that much alcohol, just enough to mellow you out, plus you get your vitamin C.

Oh well, hope they have good pizza. It will totally be off the chart for my eating healthier but tomorrow is a new day. I bet they even have chocolate pizza........

Quote for today:

When you have reached the end of your rope......tie a knot and hang on.

I think this is by Benjamin Franklin but it may be Thomas Jefferson.... Sorry to be so brain dead but Chewy is distracting me....

Later: I searched online and found that it is Thomas Jefferson, although some reported it was Theordore Roosevelt and some said Eleanor Roosevelt. If you know the answer please let me know.

COLLARD GREENS AND BLACK EYED PEAS

Happy New Year 2009

I don't know if greens and black eyed peas and pork are just a southern thing or not. Hubby cooked a pork loin, opened cans of collard greens and black eyed peas. Everything was fine except for the peas. I don't like most beans or peas in a can because they are too dry. The greens were something I had purchased a while back. They were seasoned perfectly and even had a smoky flavor. I rarely do the veggie in the can thing. I prefer fresh or frozen. I informed him last night that this is the meal for New Years day not eve. He begged to differ. I didn't argue.

So I had black eyed peas, not the ones above, and greens for breakfast to get a head start on luck. No one else will eat the greens. They don't care for them too much. I couldn't find the pork loin so I assume it was all eaten last night. I do have Canadian bacon in the fridge so I will eat some of that to help boost my good luck for 2009. As if.

I don't cook meals that often anymore. I end up working so late that the kids have to eat before I could prepare something most times. When I do cook I cook a lot. Sometimes I get in the kitchen and make chicken and sausage gumbo, meatloaf and roast a couple of chickens. I don't cook enough for one meal. I generally cook enough of each for 4 or more meals. I freeze portions and hubby can pull whatever he likes out of the freezer.

I am not a meatloaf fan but he is. So I have learned to make it where I can tolerate it and put extra things in to make sure the kids are getting secret servings of veggies. I usually start with 5 lbs of lean ground beef and add a couple pounds of ground turkey. I chop up celery, onions and garlic real fine and saute them in olive oil. I then put them in the meat mixture with chopped up mushrooms, oatmeal, Dales, eggs, salt, pepper and some crushed tomatoes. I like mine well done. He doesn't.

I was perusing blogs this morning. I noticed that some show their weekly menu. Are they for real? Everything sounded like something I would go out to eat. Meaning complex and not the normal fare. I know around here there are nights the kids get Tyson chicken nuggets and tator tots or fries with a veggie. They love it. Hubby does to because it is quick and easy. These children, well oldest grandson, would not eat some of those meals. He was not so picky when he was younger. Now he thinks he should eat at McDonald's or Burger King, depending on the toy. That comes from his mother working three jobs at one time. Drive through fast food was the norm.

Some blogs were discussing their 2008 and what they planned on doing in 2009. Well my 2008 was extremely depressing so I wouldn't want to bore anyone with all the gory details. All I can hope for in 2009 is for things to be better than 2008. I went through extreme phases last year being angry, depressed and feeling guilty for feeling angry and depressed. I would sometimes rotate through these emotions at rapid fire speed for hours.

What I dream about doing is living in the country, as long as I have high speed internet, and having a garden and peace and quiet. Leaning how to compost and dry veggies and other assorted "Mother Earth" things. I can do without the cable tv and other conveniences but I can't live without the internet. It isn't just for blogging or shopping. I work from home so it is a necessity. In case you haven't noticed yet I am a very impatient person. Using dial up is not an option.

My sister and I have discussed living on our family property in Louisiana. We figure if we get a small travel trailer to start we will be okay. I can hang with my sister because she doesn't talk much. I love people and I have to talk to them every day. Not have to as in forced to but must. I feel out of place if I don't talk to my bff's. They keep me sane. They let me bitch. They sympathize.

There are days when I stop working, sit in front of the tv and immerse myself into a show so deeply that I don't hear hubby speaking. Then I get a loud shout to pay attention. There are times when I do not want to talk. I don't want to listen either. I have started pausing, love that Tivo, and then start the show back. I think he gets it then that I don't really want to talk...or listen. Sometimes I want to scream...soon as I start a movie he starts wanting to talk. Hello...what is the point of watching the movie if you are going to talk the whole time.

I love my hubby but he has to be the most sensitive person in the world. It can wear you out living with someone that you have to watch everything you say because it will hurt his feelings. My girls have even said "he is such a girl". I don't mind solitude. I enjoy it. That is part of the reason I get up so early. It is my alone time. While everyone else sleeps it is just me. He can't stand being alone.

When I was in Dallas for nine months he hated it. I hated it. I hated it because I had no yard or outdoor area living in a hotel. The biggest thing I hated about it was the nightly phone call where I listened to him bitch and moan about Baby Girl driving him nuts or other things. He can exaggerate which is something I do not like. It got to the point that I dreaded the nightly call. Let me just say those calls made my life a fucking hell. One month before I came home I finally lost it. I couldn't take it anymore. One can only stand to listen to the same damn whining for so long. Months of frustration flew out of me and I hung up. At least he was at home, slept in his bed, had his own things and yard, etc.


Did I mention that I have no patience? Thought so. Although, if you think about that last paragraph you would think I was a very patient person. I am not. I am a kind and caring person. That is until you mess with me. I have had to warn some people not to mistake my kindness for weakness. Sometimes people want to mess with me, such as that psycho from work, but you usually learn rather quickly that I am not a pushover. I have a very strong aversion to someone trying to interfere in my life, personal or business.

Wow... where did all that come from? Oh right. It was from ME. I am a very strong woman. Not so much physically anymore but mentally I am fierce. Most people would have collapsed under the pressure I have been under the last year or two. Even hubby says I don't know how you do it. Hello...did I have a choice? It isn't like you can lay down, curl up into a ball and it will go away. And for the record, if he dealt with things it wouldn't all be on me. So there. As my mother used to say "Stick that in your pipe and smoke it".

Okay. So I obviously have some issues and anger that is coming out today. I truly wish for peace and harmony, the end to world hunger and war. I hope that everyone has an awesome 2009. Wow. I can't believe it is here.

Gotta go. I need chocolate. Oops...that would get me in trouble.... This chocolate....

AS THE MIND WANDERS

Last night I was sitting in my chair thinking about subjects to write about in my post. I do this all the time but don't make it to the computer and type it out. I am one of those people that will suddenly think "Why was I thinking about that?" Then I will backtrack to figure it out. Does that make me certifiable?

The GM for the company I do work for was traveling yesterday and stopped for the night in Nachitoches, La. That started me thinking about that lovely place. It is a beautiful town that has brick paved streets and a river running through it. The big claim to fame is that Steel Magnolias was filmed there. I love that movie and I cry every time I see it.

I went to majorette camp there when I was about to be a Junior in high school. I had an absolute blast. It was my first time to be away from home other than sleepovers or staying with family. We had supervision but they weren't up our tails about it. I could smoke without too much trouble. My roomy got homesick. It was embarrassing. She boo hoo'ed like you would not believe. I had to leave the room to keep from laughing out loud. Geez.

Our head majorette was the sweetest person in the world. Her father was a Baptist preacher. He was very nice. She was not allowed to date at all. So she would spend Friday night with me and we would go out and meet friends. But the deal was if she stayed with me I had to stay with her on Saturday night and go to church on Sunday. Her dad was sly like that. Thought if he got that little hellion into church it would change her ways. It didn't.

While eating lunch at camp she put a jalapeno pepper on top of her salad. She thought it was a pickle. She didn't even eat the pepper. The juice that got on her salad sent her into orbit. She kept eating sugar to get rid of the burn. It didn't work. She finally went back to her room to lay down. Honestly....I thought she was a big puss.

Nothing could be hotter than my father's gumbo that he added five different hot sauces to. Umm...he would be close to drunk while making this so you get the drift. If your tongue touched your lips it felt like acid burn. My brother and sister would not eat it. Truth was it tasted good but it was too f'ing hot. My dad was a strange one on that hot sauce. He loved Tabasco. I have seen him put that in his milk, on his eggs and of course other foods. I thought that was way past bizarre.

My mother had her weird food things. She would eat pickled pigs feet. To me that was way beyond gross. I am gagging thinking about it. She would also eat chicken gizzards. I tried one accidentally. Who in the hell wants to try to chew this hard gnarly little organ of a chicken. Then there is cracklings. I think it is very hard parts of bacon skin. She would put that in cornbread. I can see people trying to eat that and having to rush to the dentist with a broken tooth.

I will try most things. I say most not all. I will not try the pickled pigs feet. I won't put Tabasco in my milk. I tried sushi. I don't really care for raw fish. It isn't bad but I don't go yum. I like the California roll. Mostly I love wasabe. I am an addict for that stuff. Talk about opening up your sinus. Watching the specials about the Olympics they showed an enormous variety of things that people eat. It may be delicious but I can't eat snake, scorpions, goat eyes, chicken wattles and cones. Blaaah

I just made myself a mimosa. Yummy. I have Andre extra dry. It doesn't come with a cork that pops off. It unscrews with a plastic cork. I have to say it is a lot easier to open than the traditional cork in champagne. I think if I were alone and had to have a mimosa I would be SOL. I can't get them open. I would be so frustrated. I once dug a cork out of a bottle of wine with a knife because I couldn't find the cork screw. Now I have a fancy smancy one that is so easy. You pull the lever and poof.... it is out. I love that thing. Not that I am a big wine drinker but I do love red wine in my French onion soup.

But I digress. You remember the comment about my crying over Steel Magnolias? Well I also cry during the scene where Shirley McClain is screaming for her daughters meds in Terms of Endearment. I have even cried over a commercial. You know the one. It is where the young soldiers are walking through the airport and everyone starts applauding. Gah. I know. But don't think I am a puss.

In fact the GM I mentioned has told me that I was a Hitler Bitch. I said "Thank you". He also told me I was a machine and I shouldn't expect the people I supervise to be able to do what I do. BS. You are half my age without all the stresses that I have and you can't keep up? Shame on you. I just have a very strong work ethic and I make sure things get done. I am kind of like a trouble shooter and quality control.

I monitor 5 people and all of the clients from a distance. They are in Dallas and I am in Georgia. I was in Dallas for 9 long long months living in a hotel. I had to hire all new staff because they were shutting down the office in Florida. I worked so much that it wasn't funny. I probably averaged 70 to 80 hours a week. We had a lot of turn over of employees that didn't want to work. Ahem. I don't tolerate that.

I hired this one guy and made sure he was aware of what had to be done. I had him and another new hire come in on a Saturday for training before starting on Monday. Well when he sat at that computer and looked at Outlook like it was a foreign language I wanted to scream. Hunt and peck at the keyboard. I calmed myself down and told myself to give him a chance. I took them to lunch and then came back for more training. The other employee was blowing it up. She was awesome.

Finally I took him outside and told him I was very sorry but I didn't think he could handle the job. I needed someone that could hit the ground running. He wanted me to give him a chance and I wish that I could have. I swear I was seeing my life flash before my eyes. This was self preservation. I felt like shit about firing someone the very first day especially when they had quit their other job. But as I said... it was self preservation.

There were others that were totally odd. One thought she knew everything and of course she didn't. Had to fire her. One turned out to be a raving lunatic. She started out great but I kept hearing that she just had her boobs done and was taking vicadin and just got braces. She was in her 40's and I guess she was trying to recapture her youth. She quit via email and I told her I was disappointed and obviously she wasn't the right person for that job. Well.... that did it. She sent nasty emails to everyone in the company. She told them all kinds of lies about me in those emails. They finally had to get an attorney to call her and threaten her if she didn't quit harassing people. She had me scared to walk to my car.

I love the one who after 3 days tells the other people that she has been known to go on strike if she didn't get proper training. That is it. You are fired. Actually, I made the person that they hired to do my job and be my supervisor do it. You got it .... MADE her. Then guess what......I had to fire her, my supervisor.

Okay. I have drank my mimosa. I think I am going to take a very well deserved nap. If you hear a loud noise it is me screaming for chocolate.

FA LA LA LA LA

Well I have been totally doing nothing productive for the last couple of days. Watching cooking shows, decorating shows and silly Christmas movies and sad ones too. Yep....I love my tivo. It is awesome. Since I don't sleep much I get up early and can watch shows all by myself drinking coffee that I didn't have time to watch when it originally came on.


Rachel Ray taught me to put ginger in the freezer for a longer shelf life and it is way easier to grate. It looks like crystals instead of the stringy mush I get normally. I thought that was awesome. I don't normally watch her very much anymore. After my attempt at a 30 minute meal that took a lot longer than that and was not that great....my opinion of her changed. Now Paula Dean always makes delicious looking dishes, even though they are not always very healthy. Her sour cream muffins are wonderful. Basically they are just tiny biscuits loaded with butter and sour cream already. Perfect for a brunch or breakfast guests.

I watched Nicholas Cage lose his love in City of Angels. The music always gets me. I watched Christmas with the Kranks and hell no....I would not give away my 10 day cruise to the Caribbean. That daughter would just have to make do.

Giada made things for a spa day. I don't think a basil smoothie sounds very good. She said how fresh and healthy it was. When you have a cup of sugar used to make simple syrup split between three smoothies it can't be very healthy. Tyler Florence used to be one of my favorite chefs until my prime rib on Christmas was so blah. We are going to see how we can fix that tonight. Now I wish we had just cut it up into steaks and grilled it. The only problem with that is I like medium rare and I rarely get that with hubby at the helm.

I watched Candace Olsen decorate a loft. She is my absolute favorite designer with her sparkles and introducing us to new products. She first showed me glass tile for the inside of fireplaces. Damn....I had just built my house and would so have put that in with the glass pieces in the bottom of the fireplace. It wouldn't have cost much more than the gas logs we purchased. Vern Yip is my next favorite designer. He used to make all the others on Trading Spaces look like they were rookies. His rooms always looked amazing.

I have been online a lot too. I have been reading blogs. It is very captivating to me how people will open up their lives for all to see. One woman in the Netherlands talked about having a personality disorder and being bi-polar. Wow.

I keep up with the news as well on the internet. This is a headline that caught my eye....Man sets up dentist office in kitchen; wine is painkiller;. Wonder how much he charges? He was discovered when he broke off a tooth he was trying to pull and the man ended up in the hospital. They seized a dentist chair, drugs and bloody instruments (say it with me...eeeeeewwwww) in his kitchen. He says he was licensed in Ecuador. Ummm I am not going there for dental work.

I really like reading the weird news sometimes. It can be entertaining and scary. The one about the CIA giving Afghan warlords Viagra for information was a little unexpected. And then there is the one about the dog who shoplifted a bone from a store in broad daylight. Go Fido.

Can you tell that I am procrastinating? My office is pure pandemonium. There are boxes in here from decorations and ornaments and where gifts were shipped. My dining room is just as bad. There are unwrapped but not opened gifts in there, empty boxes that toys came in. And everyone just walks past it. So...I am avoiding. But I am going to get off my ass and get busy. Sigh.......